| poetry |
[Nov. 6th, 2005|09:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  still tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | falling... | ] |
i'm so tired my friend
where do i go
where do i wander
will i ever find an end?
there are so many more paths to go
one step closer
one step behind
can't i just lay my head on a pillow?
i want to pause to ponder
i think i'm trailing
i think i'm slowing
can't i stop to hear the thunder?
i'm so tired my friend
where do i go
where do i wander
will i ever find an end?
its been a long time since i've even tried a poem. give me a break. and this one actually somewhat rhymes! |
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| tired |
[Nov. 6th, 2005|09:18 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "falling" - ben kweller | ] |
i'm so tired right now for some reason. played poker last night, got 2nd place, $388 :) Goin' to Maine, woohoo! i went and saw my grandma in the hospital today. she talks crazy talk a lot of the time, its scary and depressing and somewhat funny... but mostly just saddening. my sister is being a real bitch to me. i'm going to maine definatlly over christmas break. i miss being with her. i'm wrestling 135 this year, i think i suck. but im not going to quit because i'd just be throwing 11 years down the drain.
time's going to fly by soon, by the time i open my eyes one morning i'll see that time's gone by, and there you will be laying peacefully next to me... |
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| Love |
[Oct. 31st, 2005|08:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  "tra la la" | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "DND" - Semisonic | ] |
Again I haven't written in here in a long long time. I don't write in here because I have Natalie and she's the only person I want to hear my thoughts and dreams. But, since she's half of my life I think she deserves to be talked about to the general public, whether they like it or not. I can taste her sometimes... smell her, feel her pressed up against me. I miss the times that we're together. I'm a happy guy because she's what my future holds. What could make anyone happier than a person that loves them? I hope she feels the same way.
We had a nice one year meeting anniversary. My dad and I went up there on labor day weekend, the traffic coming home was CraZy. Anyways, I can only remember one night...What did we do the other days?.... Oh yeah, I went tubing for the first time with georgia, amanda, and nat at amanda's camp. fun fun.
The night that I do remember clearly was our one year meeting anniversary, September 4th. We went to a restaurant alone for the first time, it went by way too quick. I loved watching her eat :) Then we were suppose to go see the 40 year old virgin... I still want to see that movie, but we decided to go to the park instead...mmmmm And I'll leave it at that.
Saturday my sister got married, so that was an excuse for natalie to come down. She came and saw us get owned by mountain view... probably the most fun game of the season. Then we went to the rehearsal... and then natalie and I went alone, me driving and everything, back to my house... and then we went to the football game that we were suppose to go to right away, but it sadly ended before we got there. And we were devastated.. all my friends went to it to see her. I'm sorry guys. Next time you'll see her, I swear. Then the next morning I went to Shadowbrooke to eat breakfast with natalie nad her dad, and then we went to the wedding. It was nice, everyone said I played the damned piano beautifully. Then we went to the reception at Shadowbrooke, Bluegrass Band! Natalie does not like bluegrass. We had our first real dance (i liked our little dance in your living room downstairs though). Then after the reception natalie's dad played cards with my family, and natalie and i got to stay in her and her dad's room alone, together... mmmm. we had fun. Her dad would burst into the room every once in awhile, I thought it was quite funny while he pretended to check his pockets for something. Then I slept in their room that night, and I guess at like 4 in the morning they took my grandma by ambulance to the hospital, and they almost lost her my mom says. She's ok now though, so thats good. That morning my dad and i went out to breakfast with natalie and her dad, i ate a lot (day before wrestling started). Then natalie and her dad left to go back home, they made the trip in 6 and a half hours... crazy. and oh yes... reason why he might have been driving so fast, natalie said we went out to eat at mcdonalds, and i said we didn't.. la la la.
Well, that should catch you up on major events.
"mmmmmmmuuuuuaaaaaahhhhhhhh" |
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| tra la la |
[Aug. 20th, 2005|12:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Foggy Mountain Breakdown.. yee haw | ] |
I like it when you fall asleep on me. It makes me smile :) I guess I'm gonna go to the party even though I didn't even practice. I'll talk to you sunday. I'm going to miss you lots and lots. I Love you with all of my heart.
mmmmmmuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh |
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| Memories always come when you're away |
[Aug. 4th, 2005|10:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Snow Patrol; Modest Mouse; Leo, Ted & Rx; Elliott Smith;... | ] |
Haven't written in here for awhile, and the last entry brought mixed feelings. Hopefully this one will be read with happy thoughts. Well, natalie is off at her cousins house, Josh. Him and I didn't hit it off too keenly, but hopefully we won't drag it on so it becomes a nice family dispute. Natalie's quite fond of him and Ethan his little brother. They make her laugh like crazy, and I'm sure she returns the favor. I'm pretty interested in meeting them, but Ethan espesically. Natalie tells the best stories about him. My mom keeps messing with me. She said we were going to go up there on vacation, but then she says, "No", and crushes my heart so I can hide it away in my pocket. But now she's saying, "maybe we can take her out to dinner or something," I hope so. Anything with Natalie even if it is only her watching a dribble of part food and drool run down my chin. It would be worth it. We'd have a nice laugh together, and I could see her smile again. And I could smell her again.. and touch her. What I miss right now though is just talking to her. She's been away to josh's for only a day and a half, but I miss letting myself go to her. Spilling my guts about the days events, and my unstable feelings about all of it. I miss hearing completely nothing over the phone with her. I like those half hour pauses in our phone conversations where my thoughts can drift off and dream little dreams about her.
Alas! Memories. I haven't really said a word about the week spent up there. Which was quite relaxing and fun. I think I'll try to go through each day, I'll try to play each minute back through my mind. But remember I've hit my head so many times that every doctor in Northeastern PA knows my name. Well, I got there on a wednesday, and it was the first time I ever flew alone. Which wasn't too bad, except on the way back which I'll tell you about later. I think I got up at 2 in the morning to start going to the airport... jesus. We were the first people In the airport! What a crock! *mumbling obscenities* Anyways, I got on the plane and talked with the guy sitting next to me, who I think was a little afraid to fly because he talked nonstop while we were taking off and landing. He was very nice. Then I landed in Philly, and then I took off from there to Bangor. There was a lady next to me who was going away to make an important presentation.. well at least it was important to her. She was running kind of late. As we were making our descent my smile turned into an unstoppable grin. As I was walking from the plane towards the airport, my step was giddy and I couldn't control it.. I felt like running to the end of the hall. As I peeked over people's heads I saw her dad first. He's pretty tall. I smiled and waved and he smiled and gave me a weird look because my hand kept dancing in the air even after about 10 feet of brisk walking with my head bobbing up and down to see over the people ahead of me. Then I saw her standing there with a little smile on her face, with her eyes twinkiling as mine were too.. I could feel my eyes dancing. I had a huge grin on my face that I tried hiding, but hehe. I was in Maine! And next to me is the girl of my dreams. Her dad gave her a little look, and then she turned to me and gave me a long awaited hug. (I didn't look at her dad this time while I was hugging her) Then her dad had to go back to work, and Natalie's mom and natalie of course took me and showed me around Bangor a little bit. I saw Steven King's House, which wasn't anything too heartpumping, but it was interesting.. I guess. And thennn we went to Natalie's House! Yippeee, she was commentating to me on the way, "blah blah lives there, and "whoo ha" lives there.. and then she said, "some weird girl named Natalie lives there." :) So we pulled into that driveway.
She showed me around... I saw where she sleeps and talks to me everynight. I slept there. She showed me her kitchen, her living room, Her room! I felt so happy.. and oddly at home. So this was where natalie lives where she eats where she sleeps, maybe my little dreams of her will be more real. I'm sure we stole little kisses in every room as we hopped through the house like teenage rabbits. What did we do that day.. that night?.. I can't remember, but I think we proablly went to her grandparents camp, on her mother's side. (my days are going to get smooshed together now... sorry.) The water was cold, to me at least. We swam out to some rocks together, and I sat down on one under the water and she layed on the rock behind me, just touching me which warmed me up so quickly my chattering teeth stopped at once. Her body touching mine gives me a calming feeling which I could drift to sleep in an instant. I love watching movies with her... even though we're not really watching the movie. Sleeping on her couch that night was so comfortable that I have never gotten a better sleep before or since. On Thursday morning, she came early in the morning, see she had to sleep at her dad's house, since they don't trust two horny teenagers.. and espesically not some snotty nosed sixteen year old. Anyways she came early that morning, and anthony, her brother, was the only other person in the house who was sleeping. She went upstairs.. and I had been awake since 6 in the morning awaiting her arrival, so I couldn't wait anymore for her to come down. I thought maybe she went up to her bed and stayed there in fear of someone coming home or whatnot. So I made it to the second flight of stairs and started going up when she started coming down. And we both smiled at each other and then we went back down to the couch where I had slept. And we layed there together.. so close that every part of her was touching every part of me.
We went with her dad and grandfather to a family get to together at a camp on some bay.. that I don't remember. But it was so beautiful. I hope I live someplace that gorgeous someday. We watched a wedding that was recorded by natalie's dad. Which was interesting in the beginning because he had recorded himself in his underwear and natalie's step-mom after she had just woken up the morning of the wedding. Mr. Nightingale is pretty funny, he gave his sense of humor to natalie. (*yawn* i'm getting tired of trying to remember everything, but I hope I don't miss anything) Well, the next day i'm sure we went to natalie's grandparetns camp and I met Ariel her cousin that I was warned to be very annoying and selfish. She was kind of annoying, but not too bad. She didn't bother us too greatly, we still had fun swimming in the lake, and watching tv and the fire in the fireplace. We all made smores in the microwave throughout the week, which were pretty good. Natalie's grandparents are pretty normal, they side with Ariel a little too much though. Her grandmother reminded me a little bit of my crazy Aunt Vivian. I also met her greatgrandmother who is 92 I believe and she was very nice and well fit for being 92 I mean. Well, we watched more movies together, and were very happy to be together holding each others' hand. Untill, one day natalie's mom called her a "whore".. or something to that extent, and told her to stay away from me. That was the first time I saw natalie cry. Come on Mrs. Gray what do you expect?.. I'm your daughters boyfriend, aren't we allowed to even touch? *sigh* all moms are bitches. I hated seeing natalie cry, it ripped out the pit of my stomach and left it in a pool of salt water. I wish I could comfort her more. Hmm, well on to better memories. I met her friends which was quite interesting. :) I tried to be apart of them, to rid myself of my shyness.. but I couldn't do it. I wish I wasn't an introvert. We still had our little laughs, and I hope I made a good impression on them. Haha, I have to put one thing in here that Natalie said that night to her friends. She said, "So, who wants to see me kiss Mason?" lol, everybody just looked at each other with half smiles and half weird frowns. I thought it was funny. I also met natalie's cousin, Kalee. I was also very quiet around her too. O well, her and natalie still laughed together happily.
*yawn*.. Ok, I don't remember much more now. Natalie's dad and Karla his wife took natalie and I to Acadia National park and Bar Harbor. We went out for lunch, and I got a crab sandwhich or something which was kind of expensive.. I was worried to order it (he raised his eyebrows when I did). Natalie took me on a walk around her house to a place where they cleared out trees, and the view was beautiful. I can still see a picture of it in my head. On one of the last mornings I made a confrontation with her step brother, Anthony. He said, "whats up".. and I pretty much yelled "Not Much!" lol.. and I almost busted out laughing right there. One day Natalie and I were on the couch together... and we were kissing... and then her step dad walked in. =O ... I jumped off from Natalie so fast and turned around to see who had opened the door, and then I just buried my head in the crevices of the couch. He went upstairs... and then awhile later him and natalie's mom came down, and they were laughing and smiling... natalie and I were dumb struck, but then we started laughing and were joking about it after they were gone. *whew* Hmm.. What I liked most about being on the couch with natalie was when she would comb her fingers through my hair with my head on her lap... *sigh* I miss that the most... Anyways, oh yeah I remember I went to another family barbaque that was at Jeff's parents camp on Green Lake, and natalie and I took a walk down the train tracks. On the second to last morning Natalie was at the bottom of the flight of steps going down to the basement.. and I said "here let me pick you up."... "I don't think you can do tha... Whoahh!" Hehe, "where shall we go?" "To the couch!" Her whole family, Jeff her mom Anthony, Nicole her step sister (who has a puppy named Lily) and Ariel packed into a nice station wagon and we went off on a trip to Bar Harbor. Natalie and I were in the back facing the road. We waved at miscellaneous people. Which is very fun! OMG I forgot, we went to go see fireworks! Natalie and I and.. ariel.. and natalie's mom. Annnyways. Yeah, we had fun waving at people. And then that night was our last night together... and then in next morning I saw natalie cry.. or almost cry for the second time. Her mom was being a bitch again. :/ Natalie had lost her retainer.. and the day was cold and cloudy. I didn't like leaving on these terms... But anything good cannot go on forever. Natalie waited next to me as long as she could while her mom was getting me a breakfast sanwhich.. and then she gave me a kiss goodbye.. and that was it.
They had changed my flight because the flight before mine was delayed and so was mine.. so I was going on the earlier one so I didn't miss my connecting flight in Philly. I almost started freaking out waiting for the plane... they have no clocks in airports. But I got to Philly.. and made my connecting flight and was back in Wilkes-Barre, but my bags didn't make it.. So I made a claim and what not, and then Jamie my sister-in-law took me to the hospital where my mother was visiting my grandmother who was in there for some reason (they never tell me anything).. Then we went back home. God did I miss natalie... the second I got home I went straight to the computer, to talk to her. :) I can't wait till we're older and we're living in the same house.. and sleeping in the same bed. And I can wake up next to her and give her little kisses till she wakes up smiling. I do say, that this was the longest entry that I've ever made. If you've read the whole thing, and aren't natalie I praise you.. and hope that wasn't a waste of your life. I'm sorry if it was. I am also sorry if I forgot somethings or left out somethings... I won't wait so long to write in here next time. Oh yeah, last week Ariel (Natalie's cousin) who I was very nice to said I was ugly, and told natalie that her and I were going to break up soon and blah blah. Her family didn't take that too kindly, and they all say that she's nuts now because I'm not actually ugly, thats what they say not me, and a nice boy. (note to self: don't help those who won't appreciate it) Well, Natalie thinks I'm cute, and that I'm nice and I am very happy and thankful for that. I miss that girl. I can't wait till you get back from josh's.
I Love you with all my heart, forever and ever. |
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